Most of you are probably wondering what is the unknown terror? There is no concrete answer that I can give you, because I honestly do not know what it is. I am not sure if is my mind playing tricks on me, a blend of negative feelings with the subconscious, something paranormal, or a combination of all. I am not the type to make a declaration unless I know what it is. All I know is that this thing is unknown and terrifies the life out of me (hence the name).
The first experience was a few months ago. I went to bed with unresolved anxiety, annoyance at myself, fear and uncertainty about my future. I woke up a few hours later and saw what appeared to be a seven foot black shadow standing at my door. It sent a surge of horror and fear into me as it stared at me. I screamed , "get out of my room!" The unknown terror faded away, but I have not forgotten it since.
The second time was Wednesday night. I went to bed with the same negative feelings and woke up screaming. According to my parents, I yelled, "you leave me alone." I only remember waking up to my own shrieking, and seeing the disappearance of a charging black mist . Yet I had the same surge of horror and fear as I had a few months back, so I knew that it was the unknown terror.
The experience followed me to the Spirit Wind Center For Creativity and Healing on Thursday. This center is part of Stonington's iconic Velvet Mill, and is rich with creativity, positive energy and spirituality. I have personally found comfort, peace and inspiration for my writing from there. Thursday was different though, no matter how hard I tried to focus on my usual writing, the unknown terror's visit kept lingering in my mind. I suddenly felt the urge to stop, go over to Lisa who is one of the owners of Spirit Wind, and confide in her.
At first I was hesitant to do so. This is a common challenge for me, because it is easier for me to open up to horses, then it is for me to open up to my own kind. There are very few people that I personally trust and express myself to. Yet there were no horses that I could talk to in that moment; and if I did not get this off my chest, there was a chance I would have another encounter with the unknown terror. So I gave in to the urge, and within minutes I was engaged in a conversation.
Lisa is a spiritual person by nature, so she did not think that I was crazy nor did she judge me. The more that the both of us conversed, the more this spiritual sensation came through me. I had forgotten to pray those two times when I had negative feelings, therefore my guard was down and I let the unknown terror in.
I was also able to revisit the second encounter with Lisa at my side. In that moment, I had silently pleaded for God to give me reassurance and the image of a lion popped in my head. The lion has always been a symbol of protection for me, since it reminds me of Jesus portrayed as the Lion of Judah. When Lisa and I talked about the symbolism of that lion, I realized that the visual was God's way of assuring me that he was still there. However it was important for me to be consistent with prayer, especially when I am feeling negative.
Opening up to Lisa not only led to these realizations, but beneficial strategies. I have a fascination with Celtic prayers, because of their personable approach with communicating with God. So Lisa gave me a copy of "St. Patrick's Breastplate," which is a protection prayer. Also I took the rest of my time to journal other Celtic prayers. Now I feel motivated to pray everyday, even when I'm feeling the opposite of positive. Also I feel a sense of empowerment, so that when the unknown terror strikes again, I won't order it away with fear, but with spiritual authority.
Horses will not always be there to listen and heal my internal wounds. Also I have to learn to branch out more, but it is not going to be easy. However I feel like opening up to Lisa was a blessing, because now only was my spirituality boosted, but I sowed the seeds for something that I need to work on, and eventually I will make those branches grow.
To those of you who have the same challenge or know someone who does, be patient but take the first step. I'm not saying that you should go up to a complete stranger, and start chatting about something that happened in your life. I certainly would not do that, especially with a subject of the unknown terror. Perhaps it's best to focus on a positive person, take some time to get to know them, and find something to open up about. You never know how talking to one person can change your life, let alone open a door of expanding your horizons. Thank you for reading and I hope that you find blessings in all you do.